Tag Archives: girlfriend

Sister to Sister Series: Slaying the Dragon of Jealousy

5 Sep

Keep in mind, the person you are jealous of, is usually busy enjoying her own life

“She thinks she’s cute”

How many times have we as women, and sisters heard these words uttered about some random woman who may have innocently stepped into an office, a party, or even the grocery store? Perhaps you have been the victim of the hard glance, the uncomfortable silences, or the head to toe “once over” that many women give before even saying hello. Even worse, you may have been the very person to utter these words against a woman who you hardly even knew, but you were offended by her mere presence.

It is obvious the root cause of such actions is jealousy, and yes low self-esteem. So, what can cause you to be jealous?

False Insecurity– She is pretty so that makes you feel ugly. She is musically talented, so you feel uncultured. She is speaks five different languages, suddenly you feel like you fumble in your native tongue. It is one thing to admire someone and put their accomplishments on your own life’s personal “to do” list. It is another to use the perceived success of another to allow you to berate and belittle yourself.

False Esteem – On the other side of this ugly little comparison coin (which is no better by the way), is making comparisons based on a false pride. You see the object of your jealousy so you immediately size her up in order to make yourself seem better in your own eyes. She has a weave, you do not. She must have had breast implants while you are naturally endowed. She doesn’t know where Genesis is in the Bible, you have all the books memorized and can recite them backwards if asked.

It sounds silly and childish, and something that is reserved for girls under the age of 15 right? Sadly, these types of comparisons happen with grown women who are well into their mid to late 20’s and beyond.

The main reasons that comparing ourselves to someone else is wrong is because it is totally useless. That’s right. It doesn’t matter if you beat yourself up all day, or in your heart gloat because you feel that you are better than her. At the end of the day, it doesn’t take away from the woman who is the object of your scorn, and more importantly it won’t ADD anything positive to your life. So, you must stop negative comparison game. The truth is that it stems from another ugly little word – INSECURITY. If you need to tear someone down to make yourself feel better, you really don’t like who you are plain and simple, and that is the thing you need to be focused on.

Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else ~Galatians 6:4

Another problem with comparing yourself to another person on any level is that it causes you to see flaws that are not there at all, and you then use those imagined flaws to divide you from this person. This can prevent you from making a good friend, and really learning from someone who can quite possibly enrich your life! If this woman speaks five languages, ask her how she learned, and where she traveled, you may be surprised at how willing she is to share her information with you.

Next time you find yourself tempted to give the once over to a woman who you see every day, or have never encountered, ask yourself, where is this coming from? In which areas of my life do I see lacking that make me feel as though I need to attack someone else? And then, decide to do something about it. Smile at her, wave, even stop by and give her a compliment. You never know, just from a simple gesture, you could make a life long friend.

Lastly, never let another person shape your opinion of YOURSELF. Meaning, even if that woman is lacking in many areas, THIS is not what should give you YOUR sense of self-worth. Your self-worth should come from inside, and not how you see yourself in comparison to someone else.

Remember, the very woman who you may be gossiping about, or not sitting next to in church , could be the very person that the Lord wanted to use as a gateway to your blessing.

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

 

 

 

 

 

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